She Hates Me
Smiley faced messes are shoved up and down the hallway.
Every student has been counting down to the last day of school, and now that it’s here, you’re a mess of gross emotion. You’ve had ugly, scribbly yearbooks shoved in your face all day for signing, and you’re sure you’ve lost half your brain cells to the sharpies that came with them.
You’re wearing a fishtail due to Peixes. You’d think she had enough hair to be satisfied with her own, but your wavy blond has been driving her up the wall for who knows how long. It’s actually been kind of creepy, but Peixes is cute, so you let it pass. If it weren’t for your current tormenter, you probably would’ve fucked her by now. She’s probably kinky. You snicker.
Finally, all something-hundred students of your school are released to their parents’ sport cars and mom-mobiles. Plaid skirts and black slacks rush past, and then Terezi tackles you from behind. You’d agreed to stay at her house for the first week or two of summer, because to be honest, you prefer her company to your mother’s.
She opens her mouth to say something, but then someone calls her for another last goodbye until fall. She slaps your shoulder and laughs “See you!” and runs with her hands in front of her to the source.
If anyone has ever said that the blind were inferior to the seeing, they’d never met Terezi.
The shrill voice from behind makes you flinch, and suddenly, tan arms have strapped your own down to your sides.
Jade Harley’s hugs are near impossible to escape, but soon, the gun-enthusiast has turned you around. “Are you coming to Bro’s?” Bro is Strider’s older brother, or dad, or something. You don’t even know the guy’s name, but he DJs at a club in town. It’s Dave’s grandparents that are paying for this stupid school.
“Uh, Harley, I’m like, not eighteen.” You say, unbuttoning your sleeves.
“I know that, silly!” Jade laughs, and punches your arm a little too hard. You cringe, but keep up your smile. “Neither am I, but Dave said-“she quiets her voice, and gets even closer. “He said he could get us in. Me, you, and a few friends! I figured since you and John were friends, you’d be included, so—“
She trails off, and pushes her glasses up the bridge of her nose. “You coming?”
“I have plans with Terezi—““She’s coming, too!!”
This actually surprises you. Terezi has never expressed any desire to go into a crowded, noisy room of strangers. Whatever.
You consider just heading home. “A’ight.” You shrug, and poke her between the eyes, making her flinch backwards. Her hands come up like claws, ready to defend herself. “I’ll come with Terzy, then.”
The girl detaches herself from the close-knit bubble she’d built around the two of you, and grins. “Great! See you!” She waves you off, and drags her bike from behind some bushes you’d never noticed before, and takes off.
“Yeah, bye.” You cross your fingers over each other behind your neck, and let your elbows drop. You exhale, and roll your shoulders. Change of plans, then. You examine over your uniform, which you’d planned on shedding as soon as you got to Pyrope’s, and wonder if you even have anything club-worthy in your suitcase.
As much as you’d love to sweat your way through this stupid tie-thing, showing up like this would be a little hetero porn-y for you.
You’ll figure it out.
When you’d first arrived via backdoor, you were accompanying a blind ginger girl. Now, Terezi Pyrope, future lawyer, was across the room, dancing with total strangers. You could be dancing with total strangers. You linger by the walls, by the door, and look throughout the crowd.
Stupid, stupid, drunk, egghead, stupid, horny, awkward…
You count off, and suddenly your posture is straighter. You hadn’t even thought about it. Rose is Dave’s sister; of course she’d be here. The corner of your mouth tugs up, and you shove past bodies moving like electrons.
“Yo, Maryam!” The energy of the atmosphere is finally building up to confidence instead of annoyance. You figure the music’s too loud for her to have heard you, which is why she hadn’t responded, so you decide to take a more physical approach.
Even if you can’t flirt with her, you can at least stay in her life one way or another. What’s one more bother for the summer?
“Maryam-“You grab her by her arm and smile wide, waiting for a groan. Someone who is definitely not Kanaya stops dancing and turns to look at you. Oh, shit. That is definitely a college student.
“Hey?” Polo-shirted mohawk raises an eyebrow at you. Her blatant superiority complex is showing through her shades. And she’s glancing down your kami. You cross your arms over your chest and look back up at her disapprovingly. “Sorry.” You tip your head to the side. “I thought you were someone else.”
You spin on the heel of your boot and stalk off. You duck into the crowd so she can’t follow after you. You know you would.
Feferi pulls you over and invites you to group with her and Ampora, and why not? You jump, and twirl, and to put it bluntly, dance. By the time the third song ends, you are moving exclusively with Fef, and both of you are fairly intoxicated. You have never been so glad that she lacked a ‘personal bubble,’ because you have never needed this much physical contact as you do right now.
You feel her breathing on your breasts and arms, and your spin her by her hands several times. You rub backs, and ‘accidentally’ grind once or twice. Feferi’s sexuality is unconfirmed, and to be honest, you don’t really care. As long as you’re following each other’s bodies, you were somewhat happy.
Eventually, someone steals her, and you dance away before Ampora can make a return.
You shuffle through the crowd, and bump and laugh as others much drunker than you stumble and fall. You’ve had plenty of experience with alcohol, and you know exactly how much you have to drink before you’ve tipped from sobriety. You have done a sloppy backflip off of that line.
You make your way to the backdoor once more, not wanting to deal with any security out front, and breathe in the cooler air. You decide to stay out here for a few minutes, and catch yourself.
The alley is creepy, so you migrate to the front. Adults smoke ecosystems around each other, and you stay to the side. You’d taken up cigarettes in middle school, but you were forced to quit when you were sent to your boarding school. There weren’t any safe spaces on campus, and if you were going to get in trouble with the headmaster, it was damn well going to be for something cooler.
The wind changes direction and you hack into a coughing fit. No, fuck this, you’re walking to clear your mind. You’re not allowing yourself to fall into your thoughts at this level of intoxication. You’re not going to feel bad for yourself while you’re out in the dark.
Despite the warm summer air, a shiver melts down your spine.
You stumble over your footwear on the sidewalk, and your vision blurs. You look pathetic, but don’t you always? No, you can’t let yourself think like this. Oh, this was an awful idea. You shouldn’t’ve agreed to go out.
Why couldn’t you just loosen up and dance?
Why did dad leave?
Why can’t you shake these fucking awful emotions?
You’re crying. Shit, shit, shit. You’re sobbing. Your eyes are swelling, and sticky tears are dripping off of your face like a stuck faucet. This is escalating way too quickly. You nearly fall too many times. You grope the side of the building you’re passing, and sit yourself against the corner of the alley. You just need to sit for a few minutes. You’re only a block from the club.
No, it’s not.
You’re a fucking mess. No wonder mom hates you. Everyone does. You tuck your face into your knees, and wrap your arms around your curled legs. You’re glad you’re alone, because the sounds you’re making are less than dignified.
You don’t know how much time passes, but now you’re just hiccupping. Numb, and yet, aching.
Fingers graze your shoulder, and someone crouches down next to you. Someone’s totally going to murder you. That’s just spectacular.
You hold your breath. No way. No fucking way.